One of my friends from high school came out as bisexual to her mom last week. She had been out to herself, her dad, and most of her friends for over a year—her mom was the only person she hadn’t been able to find the courage to tell. While she was afraid that her mother would preach or yell at her, what she was most afraid of was that her mother wouldn’t love her anymore. Still, after telling her mother, she no longer had to worry that her mother would find out if she talked about a girl at school, talked to someone about LGBT issues, or went to a LGBT-centric event.

She’s one of thousands who come out of the closet every day. According to LGBT youth organization Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), “Being honest can help to bridge that distance you may have been keeping from friends and family, and can result in closer and more meaningful relationships with loved ones. And when you’re not constantly worried about meeting others’ expectations, you can put all of your energy into being authentic--in how you dress, talk, spend your time, and date.”

In the past, coming out wasn’t really an option. With some exceptions, such as ancient Greece where bisexuality was considered normal and even encouraged, until around the nineteenth century, people with same-sex attractions had to be extremely secretive about it or else they could be excommunicated or shunned by their communities.  Modernday labels didn’t really exist until around the nineteenth century, but scholars believe a number of historical figures to be LGBT, such as the ancient Greek poetess Sappho, England’s King Richard I, and American poetess Emily Dickinson.

While much progress has been made in the LGBT rights movement and more people are coming out than ever before, coming out is still extremely frightening. A 2006 Massachusetts Youth Risk Survey found that LGBT youth are up to four times more likely to kill themselves than straight youth. Furthermore, there are a number of publicized stories of LGBT people being discriminated against or killed because of who they are. Examples range from the Matthew Shepherd murder to the recent and heavily-publicized incident in Mississippi, when a student, Constance McMillan, wanted to wear a tux and take her girlfriend to her school prom. When the school board refused, insisting that dates had to be of the opposite sex, McMillan and the ACLU sued the school, whom cancelled the prom.

If you are in the closet or questioning your sexuality, know that you’re not alone and get the resources you need to help you. Talk to a trusted friend or therapist about how you feel about your sexuality and about coming out to other people. Know that coming out is a lifelong process, and exercise caution when coming out for the first time; choose someone who you trust enough to know he/she won’t tell others without your permission.

Pacific has a number of resources available to LGBT students, especially at the Multicultural Center (MC). The MC has a PRIDE Resource Center with books, films and pamphlets on LGBT topics and issues and has the PRIDE Alliance club that meets weekly in the MC and plans events like Coming Out Week and the popular Drag Show. Counselors at the Cowell Wellness Center are also available to talk to students who are coming out. If you are a victim of discrimination because of your sexual orientation or for any other reason, contact the Student Victim Advocate’s office located in the Public Safety building.

Coming out is an extremely unique experience; some people come out to themselves very early in life and some come out much later. Some people struggle with coming out for years and feel confused and scared, while for others it’s not a very big deal. If you’re questioning or in the closet, know that being LGBT is primarily about love and acceptance and while you may feel lonely or afraid, those emotions will pass. With every person who comes out and acknowledges who they are and who they love, the LGBT community can build a safer, happier and more diverse society.

Published in : Perspectives, Volume 101: Issue 31