Serial dating exists and it needs to stop
Urban Dictionary captures the essence of just what a serial dater is: “One who engages in the process of systematically dating an obscene amount of people in a short span of time. This definition encompasses but is not limited to internet dating, bar dating, long distance flirtations, phone service dating, blind dating, expiration dating, match making, one-night stands, friends with benefits and personal ad surfing. Can be considered a politically correct alternative to word ‘player’ both with and without a negative connotation.” However, has this always been a thing, or has it only recently emerged?
I’d argue this has become a millennium issue that has bypassed a trending state and is well into a new standard of living. With the evolution of the Internet and the ability to connect directly with a single person of one’s choosing, dating has morphed into a version of catalog shopping.
With eHarmony and Tinder, one can now browse through the “Singles” pages, choose their top five “items” and add to cart (set up a date). This gives anyone the ability to not be choosy, or, in retrospect, to be as choosy as possible.
This is where the term “serial dater” comes into play. A serial dater is someone who will set up multiple dates with multiple persons of their liking and give them a “one shot” sort of chance. The mindset is, more options, better chance of finding the one, right?
Wrong. By investing oneself into a pool of people, instead of on one peso, you ultimately spread yourself thin and do not pick up on the details of romance or interests that one would normally.
Heather Jensen from All Women Talk reports that a serial dater is someone who likes the “Dating Game.” Meaning, they like the newness and interactions with the person or people they are attracted to. And really, who doesn’t? This is what I’d consider the flirty butterfly stage: where everything is new and everything seems to have perfection written all over it. This is fine and dandy, but there needs to be a level of clarity and focus to follow.
Match.com informs that serial dating comes with its headaches. There are perks such as meeting new people and mingling with different men or women one might pursue, but there is a possibility a person’s reputation can be tarnished or they can be seen as a player. Worse, one can be seen as just wanting a free meal.
Many women’s personal testimonies say things along the lines of, “Whatever, if the date doesn’t go well at least dinner was free.” Come on! This is why certain types of people get certain types of labels and get crossed off the dating list fast (more like blacklisted).
Another issue is that serial dating is so casual that there aren’t many connections being made. It has an emptiness that isn’t filled with investigative conversation or interest balancing.
Instead, there is a checklist surveyed in a serial dater’s head: If the person doesn’t meet certain criteria, it’s an instant GOOD-BYE!
Finally, Jensen pointed out, “Constantly looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right” can defeat the purpose in its entirety. By rushing and “double-booking” dates, there is just simply not enough time for a person to get to know someone else and give them the attention they deserve.
In point, slow down and enjoy life. Grab a coffee with a potential partner, take it slow and either schedule another date or move on!
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